Just My Imagination: a memory of young love.

Walking to school the long way, just to get a peek at him. I know it sounds crazy but that's what I did, in fact, brazen as hell, walked right by his girlfriends house at just the right time each and every morning, just so I could ogle at him... ok ok...the two of them, as they hopped into her 67 Pontiac something-or-other convertible.
The car was a beater, white with a black top, and all truth being told, she was nothing to look at either, but she did have a few things going for her....she was the senior and she did have that convertible, Damn her!
He was so Godly to me, and when I think of it... he lived only two streets away, then again ...so did she, so how lucky was I? I forever had my eyes peered for his comings and goings... yes, even if that meant he was with HER!

I thought about him constantly, my school work actually suffered because of him. The careful planning it took for me to be in the right place, at the right time, just to catch my next glimpse of him, was almost unbearable. I spent nearly the entire period of whatever class I was in, agonizing over being the first one out the door when that bell sounded, but prior to that bell, I had some serious work to do (0n me)!
That long blond hair had to be brushed to look like silk, partially hanging over one shoulder, a strand or two pulled behind the other ear, weighing back and forth, which, out of only two to pick from... was my best side?
The lip gloss had to be applied just moments before that long awaited bell...so that I still had that "fresh wet" look, just in case he happened to look my way.
Then there was the anguish of whether I should kind of casually lean up against the lockers sideways, or flat against my back with one knee bent, supporting my frame on one foot... you know the stance I mean, we've all done it. It was that relaxed confident stance.
All this, just in case he looked my way, which mind you, hardly ever happened!!

God! When I think of the time & energy invested... it was not an easy task.
Meanwhile school kept interfering; questions about a frogs digestive system, or "what chapter 5 of John Steinbecks, "The Pearl" was really saying to his readers?" or "What happens when atoms are split?".... Who gives a sh*t?...I just wanted and needed to look my best and that's that! I had little time to work with and all this other crap was trivial!!

He was a senior and I was the fawning freshman...that was the bottom line. Seems no matter what I did or where I turned up, it went, or should I say, I went.... unnoticed. Crushing indeed, but never ending was my crusade!!!
It had to be love, I started lying to my mother about meeting friends at football games, pep rallies and school dances, & yea , I was meeting friends all right, but I was meeting ones that could drive!! I was attending every senior house party I could, knowing full well his band would be playing when I got there. No sneak peeks needed there, it was a perfect excuse to just stare!

He was the lead guitarist and rarely ever sang, but my God when he did, my heart would beat right out of my chest, as if every word that passed his fleshy lips were meant for only me! Of course what in the name of Pete was I thinking? He was singing Led Zeppelin songs not Frank Sinatra?? Okay so I was buying a "Stairway to Heaven" ... hey...worked for me! And just for the record, my heart beat was probably bigger than my chest at that point in time! And here I am talking about HER being not much to look at... at least she'd stay afloat if her ship went down!

I spent my entire freshman year this way, had a blast, and not that it matters, but my quest was not in total vain, I had accomplished "Being Cool." BIG DEAL!!
I was in with the "In crowd" ...now "we," that being, he and I, ran in the same circles ... yet still... I went unnoticed!!
At this point we knew each other, ever so slightly, but that was a far cry from wanting to know him in the biblical sense!!!
I shudder now when I think of how low I really stooped ... so low as to become very good friends with HER... yup, you guessed it....Miss Pontiac something-or-other convertible, can ya believe it? Just to somehow, get closer to him! How evil -- when I think back!
Turns out, even though she wasn't much to look at she was a really great girl and I really DID like her and much to my surprise, I liked her even more once I found out she really wasn't all that into him. Her lack of interest explained her lack of attendance at all of these house parties that I was lying my a$$ off to get to!! I mean, yea, she came to a few, but now that I knew where I stood... well, technically, now that I knew where she stood, it made my "standing" ... one step closer to the golden God! I am telling you... if anyone were ever on a mission, it was me!

Summer was coming and I had big plans... heading to Sunny California for the entire month of July. Everybody that knew, truly envied me, and of course ...I let them. Why not?
What they didn't know, was... I was going to "Northern" California to visit family, not quite the picture my friends had envisioned of the West coast. When you hear California you think: surfing the waves, rollerblading topside the white sandy beaches, clad in a simple bikini & sporting a deep golden tan. Reality was... a planned trip to Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, the crookedest street in the world & driving over the Golden Gate bridge and all it's fog, was what my itinerary looked like.
I just didn't see where changing "their" image would do "me" any good, so I let it play out the way "they" wanted....I mean, it was their picture, why ruin it for them? What the hell where they thinking anyway? I mean... if you just take the time to think about it....I was a freshman in High School for Christs sake, not some roadie with a band, jumping into the back of a chevy van for a cross country road trip, smoking hash, eating shrooms...and wearing flowers in my hair! hellooo?? But it was the seventies! I guess anything was possible... enough said!

Anyhow... all joking aside, my visit with my family in "The City by The Bay" was the best, a summer I'll never forget, with an ending even more unforgettable!
Mom picked me up at the airport & told me "we moved"!!
I knew I couldn't possibly have heard her correctly, she did not just blurt out, like it was no big deal, that "WE MOVED!" What in the hell did she mean we moved? What was going on? Why was I not consulted? Didn't "they" know I had big plans? I had yet to conquer the man of MY dreams. I had invested way too much time and effort with my perfect fitting Levi's (in every color, mind you), my frye boots, that silky blonde doo... the kissing potions in nearly every flavor manufactured, the locker stances, the parties, the endless lies, & all of it, for not?
I couldn't believe what was happening to me!!
"What did you say?" I asked in panic, as if I hadn't heard it clear as a bell the first time, and she merely repeated it, the second time adding her explanations as to why WE MOVED.
Her reasons were hers and I guess that's that, without getting into all of it now, I can only say, I guess I didn't blame her!
I will say this... there was no "They," Dad was staying home... "WE" moved!

Well, the next year brought with it a brand new boyfriend, who believe it or not I ended up Marrying later in life and ... divorcing, that's a story in itself, better saved for a rainy day! Even with a new boyfriend and a new home, I continued to long for my lead guitarist & his golden shoulder length hair.
This "longing" resulted in my Mother driving me back home, only an hour away, nearly every weekend, to stay at my girlfriends house. This is when life became easier than I could have hoped for.
All my lies when I was a freshman had to be well thought out as my Mother and I were only 20 years apart in age, she was pretty "in tune." My best friends Mother, on the other hand, although very much in tune, actually...more than we knew, was much older and working with her last child out of 7... she was done! She was not a stupid woman by any means, she had just been there-done that... 6 times before, which meant, lying to her was like a walk in the park...she, Chrissy and I, spent our weekends and school vacations living like college girls in a dorm, coming and going as we pleased.
Her poor mother, when I think of it now, God rest her soul, we'd come in the back door at say 10:00pm or 11:00pm, merely as a cover, and right back out the front door like thieves in the night, sometimes rolling in after 1:00am & she never even heard us....well, put it this way, if she did, she was probably just thankful we were home! The poor thing! If we could only do things over - HA! Would we? NEVER! hahahaha

They say "All good things come to those who wait" well I had waited long enough ... and sure enough, one of those weekends "HOME" paid off.
There we were, Chrissy and I, at this party great Party Linda had ( she had many), and there "HE" was, playing in the band. What a coincidence? yea right! I walked in the room and what happened next is still a blur!
Right in the midst of their rendition of J.Geil's, "Musta got lost" ... there was eye contact and an instant connection! It was like a live wire, his face lit up like a Christmas tree and he flashed me that pearly smile that stays with me to this day! Abruptly, the band announced a short break and much to my surprise, he couldn't get to me quick enough. I had to pinch myself, not so sure if this was all real. He greeted me with such energy, he actually said he missed having me around and was glad to see me again.
Now, you must understand ... this man was God to me ... you can only imagine how my heart was beating right out of my chest ... but guess what? This year, I actually had some chest to go along with those beats! Life was good!

Now...Instead of melting like the love sick pup that I was, I just kind of rode the wave and told him it was really great seeing him too! He look disappointed. Now what had I done? I was way to casual ... damn it! This was an investment, I barely knew this guy but loved him just the same and now in an instant, with what I thought was "playing it cool" I could have thrown it all away! I knew right then game playing was not for me when it came to matters of the heart!
My knees were knocking & my libations were going down a little too quickly as I felt the need to do something with my trembling hands... I decided right then and there, that If he can be honest and expressive about how he felt, then so could I, skip the games! I looked him square in the face expressed my sincere interest, mixed with a little body language and within seconds it all just clicked! I felt very empowered, not to mention very... well you know! :)

Ahhh the teen years! Gone but not forgotten.

He sang to ME that night... "Just my imagination" by the Temptations. My heart was all his and his only!

Needless to say, he was my ride home that night and for many a night thereafter! My lead guitarist and I were together for quite some time.

He still comes to me.... although now, in "Just my imagination."